


Second Chances

by dreamingbirds



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: College AU, M/M, Tags will be updated, Tree Bros, artist!Connor, evan/zoe but it isn't permanent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 14:31:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14696154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamingbirds/pseuds/dreamingbirds
Summary: The last place Connor thought he'd be after he left home was stuck at his estranged sister's apartment in her tiny college town for three weeks. When he arrives, though, he finds that a lot of things have changed- not least of which was Zoe's new, anxiety-ridden boyfriend, on whom Connor may have started developing a teeny, tiny crush.





	Second Chances

Connor knocked sharply on the apartment door. “Zoe! Let me in!” There was no response, and he sighed heavily, slamming his fist into the door. “Come on! Hurry up-”

He stumbled forward as the door swung suddenly open, almost punching the person standing in front of him, who was most definitely not Connor’s sister. 

“Oh, my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-” the stranger said, the words tumbling over each other so quickly Connor could barely understand him. 

“Who the fuck are you?” Connor asked, effectively cutting off the man, who had begun to turn bright red. 

“Connor! Be nice!” Connor glanced over the shorter stranger’s head to see his sister walking towards them, combing her fingers through her wet hair. The stranger stepped back, mumbling another apology, and Zoe took his place in the doorframe, looking Connor up and down with her sharp-eyed, scrutinizing gaze that always made Connor’s skin crawl, like she could see into his soul. Whatever she saw must have been satisfactory, though, because she gave him a small nod and moved to let him in. “Come on.”

He did, shoving a bit rudely past the stranger, who was now standing awkwardly near the door, tugging on the hem of his blue polo shirt. Connor gave him a long, hard stare that he knew made other people uncomfortable. Sure enough, the stranger flushed pink again and averted his eyes. Good. 

Zoe swatted Connor’s arm. “Don’t be a dick. Connor, this is Evan. My boyfriend.”

Connor stared at Zoe. “Your what?”

She rolled her eyes. “My boyfriend. Jesus, is that so hard to believe? Evan, this is my brother, Connor.”

Evan finally looked up, flinching slightly when he met Connor’s gaze. “Nice- um, nice to... meet you?” He extended a hand, but when Connor didn’t take it, he lowered it again and went back to studying the carpet. 

“You didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend,” Connor said, glaring at Zoe.

“There’s lots of stuff you don’t know about me,” Zoe replied airily. “And besides, you don’t get to complain. You only reached out to me a couple months ago telling me you’d be in town for whatever it is you’re doing.”

“Don’t get too excited- I’m only here for a few weeks, and then it’s over and you won’t have to see me again.”

Zoe looked like she wanted to say something like ‘Good,’ but instead only replied, “Come on, you can stay on the couch for tonight until we figure out a more permanent arrangement.” She beckoned for Connor to follow, leading him into her apartment. It wasn’t particularly large, but it was cozy, and the many windows gave it the illusion of being larger than it actually was. They walked into the biggest room, a combination of kitchen and living room, the latter furnished with a large couch and a few armchairs. Evan, still gripping the hem of his shirt, followed behind the siblings. 

“Here you go. Your temporary home.” Zoe grabbed Connor’s duffel bag from his hands and heaved it onto the couch. “I’ll get you some sheets.” With that, she vanished down the hall, leaving Connor and Evan alone.

Connor could feel the nerves radiating off of Evan, who still refused to meet his eyes. There was something nice about the fact that Connor was not the most uncomfortable person there. He shrugged off his backpack and flopped down onto the couch. “So. Evan.”

Evan started. “Y-yeah?”

“You and Zoe,” Connor stated flatly. He didn’t entirely know what to say. A normal older brother might dispense threats or wisdom, but Connor and Zoe hadn’t been close in years, and so he was reduced to studying Evan carefully, trying to discern what Zoe saw in him. He was obviously a nervous wreck, always fidgeting, and so far hadn’t been able to put together a single fully coherent sentence in Connor’s presence. He’s not bad looking, though. Evan had bright blue eyes and messy hair, and his face was what Connor’s mom might call honest; every one of Evan’s emotions seemed to be displayed on his face as clearly as if they had been written in Sharpie.

Zoe reappeared a moment later, a pile of blankets and pillows in her arms. “Connor, you’re not trying to scare Evan, are you?”

Connor was about to speak when Evan jumped in. “No, um, he was just- he wasn’t trying to scare me.”

“Well, whatever.” Zoe set down the pile on the couch next to where Connor was sprawled. “Connor, you can do whatever you want with these. Except, like, cutting holes in them and hanging them off of the balcony. Or throwing them out the window. Or- you know what? Just make your bed. If you even know how.”

Connor rolled his eyes, tamping down the flickers of frustration that always emerged whenever he had to spend more than ten minutes with his sister. “Whatever. I won’t destroy your fucking sheets.”

“Good. Evan and I are going out. There’s food in the fridge. Don’t wait up for us,” Zoe said, grabbing a coat hanging from a nearby hook and pulling it on. “Evan? Are you ready?”

“Oh! Um, yeah.” Evan headed for the door and opened it, waiting for Zoe. She rolled her eyes at Connor one last time- he flipped her off in response- and left, Evan shutting the door gently behind the two of them.

Connor watched the door for another moment before rolling onto his back and letting out a huge groan. Just three weeks, and then you won’t have to see her or her dumb apparently-boyfriend again. He yawned, exhausted from the journey. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Connor knew he should change out of his rumpled travelling clothes or maybe eat something for the first time that day, but the insistent tugging of sleep made him unable to do anything but shut his eyes and wish that he were a million miles away, doing anything except falling asleep on his estranged sister’s kitchen couch.

 

Connor woke up hours later to the sound of a key grating in the lock. He opened his eyes, blinking blearily, as a slice of light from the outside hall fell across the floor, cutting through the darkness that had fallen while he had been asleep. He could make out two shadows standing in the doorway, and shut his eyes again, trying to even out his breathing. The last thing he wanted to do was talk to anyone, much less his sister and her boyfriend, who were probably going to go fuck in the other room. He was idly wondering where he had left his earbuds, and whether he could try to find them without letting Zoe know he was awake, when he heard her whisper, “Don’t worry, he’s sleeping. I swear, Connor could sleep through an earthquake. I used to get home from school and he would still be in bed.”

Connor tried very hard not to twitch, but nothing aggravated him more than people talking about him behind his back. Or in front of him, though the two weren’t aware that he was listening in. There was a moment of silence, then Evan said, “I, um, had fun tonight. It was... nice.” 

Connor heard the rustling of clothing and the sound of a soft kiss, which, ew. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Zoe said.

“Yeah, tomorrow. Um. Good- good night.” Connor heard the door shut, and cracked one eye open just enough to peer through his eyelashes and see Zoe standing silently, a dark shadow in the darker room, watching him. There was something arguably creepy about that, but Connor had just been listening to a private conversation between Zoe and her boyfriend, so he didn’t really have the right to say anything. Instead, he stayed quiet, keeping his breathing steady. Go away so I can go to sleep, he willed silently, and somehow, it worked. She moved away, disappearing down the hall, pausing to whisper, “Good night, Connor,” just loudly enough for him to hear it. A second later, a door opened and closed, and Connor rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling. Had Zoe known that he was awake? No, she would have said something, because she’s a pompous- He shut his eyes again, raking a hand through his snarled hair, grimacing when his fingers yanked on the knots. I just have to make it three weeks without exploding at Zoe or her stupid fucking boyfriend, and then I can leave, he reminded himself again.

It was going to be a long three weeks.

 

The second time that Connor woke up, he almost fell off of the couch. Disorientation mixed with exhaustion crashed over him as soon as he opened his eyes to a strange room, and he sat up too quickly. He shook his head until the room stopped spinning. 

“Good morning to you, too,” he heard from the kitchen, and he looked over to see Zoe, already dressed and perched on a stool at the kitchen counter, sipping from a mug of coffee, if the smell permeating the room was anything to go by. Connor’s stomach rumbled, reminding him that he hadn’t eaten at all the previous day. He ignored it, choosing to glare at Zoe. “Oh, sorry, did you want some coffee?” she asked with a shit-eating grin. He glared harder, but she only laughed. “Jesus, Connor, you look awful. The bathroom is at the end of the hall. Go take a shower.”

Connor wanted to defy her, but the idea of hot water was too appealing, and he settled for flipping her off and grabbing a set of clean clothes from his backpack before stumbling down the hall and into the bathroom. Like the rest of Zoe’s apartment, it was small but neat, and Connor, with his dark clothes and hair hanging limp and greasy from travel and sleeping without a pillow on a couch, stood out like soot in snow. 

He took a long shower, letting the warmth chase the ache from his joints, stiff from the too-small couch. The shampoo that Zoe had smelled overwhelmingly like flowers, but Connor couldn’t really complain, and shoved back whatever was left of his masculinity in favour of clean hair. 

Once he had finished and dried off, changing into his cleaner clothes and pulling his wet hair back to prevent it from drying into a curly mess, Connor went back into the kitchen, where Zoe was scrolling through her phone. She looked up when he walked in, giving him a nod- of recognition, or maybe even approval, Connor wasn’t sure. “Coffee?” she asked, pushing a mug towards him. He took a sip and made a face. 

“You drink this much sugar?” Connor said.

“Shut up,” Zoe said. “Just because I can’t palate stuff as bitter and dark as you are-”

“This is more milk and sugar than actual coffee, Zoe-” Connor said, setting down his mug. She stuck her tongue out at him. “Oh, yeah, real mature.”

“Another word from you and you won’t be getting any breakfast, dumbass.” The word breakfast made Connor’s stomach rumble again, loud enough to hear, and Zoe smiled, a bit too self-assuredly for Connor’s liking. “That’s what I thought.” She stood up and went to the cabinets, rummaging around. Connor got up after taking another tooth-rotting swig of his ‘coffee’, going to find his phone. When he pulled it out of his backpack, the battery was dead, and he grabbed his charger as well.

“Where are your outlets?” he asked, turning around. She pointed to a plug on the side of the kitchen counter, and he pulled a chair around so that he could sit and check his messages. There was one from the gala organizer, which he scanned through before dismissing as unimportant, and a few spam emails, which he deleted immediately.

Zoe was humming some song that he didn’t recognise, and for once, it didn’t really bother Connor. Not like it had before, when every little thing she had done had gotten under his skin. That was in high school, before- well. Before. Suddenly, he realised that this was the longest period of time he had spent with Zoe since he had left their parents’ house.

Connor was pulled from his train of thought by Zoe setting a plate down in front of him. “Here you go.” It was a toaster waffle with peanut butter on it, and Connor looked up to see Zoe crunching down on a second waffle. 

“You really can’t cook, can you?” he asked, picking up his food.

“Shut up,” Zoe said, but she was smiling faintly. They ate in silence. When they had finished, Zoe whisked away Connor’s plate and washed it, setting the dishes in the drying rack and wiping her hands on a towel.

“I have classes today, so I need to go. You can hang out here, or you can go out. Spare keys are in the bowl on the counter. If you’re not back before five-thirty, text me,” Zoe said.

“Whatever, Mom,” Connor said sarcastically, bristling a little at her words. Zoe grabbed a bag sitting on the counter and headed for the door, stepping into her shoes before tugging on the doorknob.

“Bye,” she said, and left.

Connor stayed seated at the counter, wasting time playing a phone game, before finally getting up, grabbing his jacket and bag. May as well go for a walk. He left the apartment, trotting down the two flights of stairs and out the front lobby into the fresh air. 

He hadn’t paid a lot of attention to the town on his taxi ride from the airport the previous evening, but now that he was well-rested, Connor found that he liked the town that Zoe lived in. He spent a while meandering down the quiet streets, hands tucked into his jacket pockets to guard against the March wind. He stayed far away from the college campus, which he knew was not too far from Zoe’s apartment; instead, he went in the opposite direction. At one point he ducked into a small coffee shop and got a cup of coffee that tasted much better than Zoe’s cheap, saccharine concoction from that morning. 

About forty minutes into his wanderings, Connor turned a corner and found an almost-empty park spotted with trees and lined with wooden benches. He drained the last dregs of his coffee, tossing it into a nearby trash can, and started across the park. It was a lot larger than it looked, and even had what looked like a small duck pond, though no ducks could be seen. The back end of the park opened on a few buildings and more streets. The building closest to Connor had a sign over the double doors that read Library of Horticulture, and after a moment of deliberation, he headed inside. 

It was much warmer inside, and smelled overwhelmingly of books and a little bit like dust. Most importantly, it was almost entirely deserted. Connor could only see two other people, and both of them ignored him when he walked in. Great. He pulled a paperback from his bag that he had been reading on the plane and went to sit in a chair in the corner, near the windows. 

He spent several hours in there, reading, before the buzzing of his phone startled him out of his reveries. Connor grabbed it out of his bag and glanced at the cracked screen, heaving a discontented sigh when he saw Zoe’s name. It didn’t seem to disturb the other people in the library at all, and he got up to take the call. As soon as he was outside, he pressed ‘accept call’. “What?”

“Wow, that’s a great way to greet people, Connor. You should give a seminar on how to act like a moody, disinterested young adult.” Zoe’s voice crackled in his ear, distorted by the distance and the fact that Connor’s phone was most definitely broken, given how many times he had thrown it at the wall or at other people.

“Shut up and tell me why the fuck you called me,” Connor said, taking a few steps away from the library doors.

He could practically hear Zoe rolling her eyes over the line. “Seriously, politeness is a virtue. There’s no real reason. I had a few minutes in between classes and I wanted to make sure you weren’t bleeding out in a ditch somewhere.” 

“Yeah, well, I’m fine. You don’t have to check in on me. I’m an adult, I can fucking take care of myself.” Connor was starting to get angry, his grip on his phone tightening. 

“Oh, fuck off, Connor. I was just trying to-” There was silence for a moment before she said angrily, “I don’t know why I fucking try.” Connor heard a beep as she hung up. 

He shoved his phone in his pocket and ran his hands down his face, growling in frustration. She is so fucking infuriating I swear to God- He tried to run a hand through his hair, realised it was still tied back, and ripped out the hairband, face twisting in pain at the yanking. His hair fell around his face in messy curls that smelled far too strongly of Zoe’s flowery shampoo, the sweet scent reminding him that he would have to go back to her apartment eventually if he wanted to sleep. Connor wanted to scream, but he also really didn’t want to draw the attention of the couple walking their dog nearby, so he instead set out across the park, trying to ignore the pounding in his ears. 

He wished fervently that he had his sketchbook, but he had left it at Zoe’s place, and there was no way in hell that Connor was going back there anytime soon. Instead, he began to wander again, getting lost in the town streets and in his mind, thoughts swirling and colliding too quickly to form anything coherent. 

 

He finally went back to Zoe’s apartment a little after sunset, right as dusk was starting to fall. He had calmed down a lot, and was too cold and tired to be angry anymore. The longer he had walked, the more ridiculous the argument had seemed, until Connor was almost ashamed of how upset he had gotten over something stupid. He was standing outside of Zoe’s door, ready to make peace, when he realised he had no keys. 

“Fuck,” he said out loud. He tried knocking, but there was no response. Where the fuck is Zoe? I thought she’d be home by now, he thought. 

“Oh, sorry. Um. Hi?” Connor heard from behind him. And I thought today couldn’t get any worse. He turned around, doing his best not to let his emotions show on his face. Sure enough, his sister’s bumbling boyfriend was standing on the staircase, biting his lip nervously.

“Hi,” Connor said flatly. Evan looked like he would faint from nerves, and Connor was struck with a flash of pity that made him say, more gently, “What are you doing here?”

“O-oh! I’m, um, here to pick up my textbook? I left here last night because I was, um, studying, so,” Evan said, his words becoming more and more rushed.

Connor’s mouth twitched in the ghost of a smile. “Studying?”

Evan turned redder than a tomato. “Yes! I swear I wasn’t- um-”

Connor laughed then, short and harsh, leaning back on the door and sliding down until he was sitting on the landing. “Don’t worry, I believe you. Zoe’s not here, so you’ll have to wait. Sit.” He patted the ground next to him. Make peace with the boyfriend and maybe Zoe’ll forgive me.

Evan looked like he would rather be doing anything else than sitting next to his girlfriend’s psychotic brother, and Connor didn’t really blame him, but surprisingly, he did what Connor said. 

They sat in awkward silence for a minute. Finally Evan said, “So, um, what are you in town for?”

“Some sort of ‘emerging artists’ gala. It’s happening near here in a few weeks, and I figured I’d stay here in the meantime.” Connor didn’t bother to mention that he had no idea whether he’d go back to his tiny, dingy home afterwards, since his rent had expired right before he’d left, and he hadn’t renewed it yet. 

“Are you, um, an... artist?” Evan asked, finally looking at Connor, who was struck by how blue his eyes looked in the dim light of the stairwell. 

“Yeah, sort of.” He left it at that, and Evan didn’t press, simply lapsing back into awkward silence, looking even more uncomfortable. “What about you?” Connor offered, trying to ease the tension that seemed to surround Evan.

“I’m, um, studying at King. Like Zoe. Environmental studies, mostly.”

Wow, that’s a useless major. Not that I can really say anything. “Why environmental studies?”

“Well, I’m super interested in nature, and I really wanted to learn more about life sciences, and I worked as a junior park ranger for a while in high school, so I thought it might be a good fit, and I’ve been learning a lot about-” Connor laughed sharply at the flood of words that burst forth from Evan, who looked immediately mortified, and rushed to apologise.

Connor waved him off. “Don’t worry about it. Seriously, we’ve got nothing else to do here. Tell me more.” Evan blinked, taken aback, but obliged, telling Connor about environmental conservation efforts in the recent years while Connor did his best to listen.

It was a good fifteen minutes later when he heard footsteps on the stairs and saw Zoe appear, holding a plastic bag in one hand. She stopped when she saw them sitting outside the door, and Evan immediately cut off, turning pink. 

“Looks like you two are getting along,” she remarked. “Why are you not inside?”

“Forgot a key,” Connor mumbled. 

“I needed to get my textbook, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-” Evan started again, but Zoe shook her head.

“I’m not mad, just curious. Relax,” she said. “And also move so I can get in.” She held out her hand, from which dangled a set of keys, and Connor got up, stretching his legs and stepping aside to wait for her. 

Once they were inside, Evan grabbed his book, still apologising, and ran out just as quickly. Zoe set down the bag, pulling out takeout containers, and waited for Connor to sit down at the counter before saying anything else.

“Maybe I’m crazy, but it almost looked like you two were getting along for a moment,” Zoe said. 

“You are,” Connor said. “And... about earlier today. I’m- I shouldn’t-” He ran a hand through his hair, trying to find the words. “I overreacted.”

Zoe was silent, studying him with an odd expression. “What?” he said defensively.

“Wow. I never thought I’d hear you say something like that,” she finally said. Connor’s face darkened slightly, but he didn’t respond. “That time you took for yourself must have been good for you. You’ve... changed a lot, Connor.”

“Whatever,” he said. “What’s for dinner?”

 

The next two days progressed much like the previous one. Zoe left early for her classes, claiming she had a test that she needed to be studying for, and Connor only saw her in the evenings, when she brought home dinner. They ate in peaceful quiet, the tension between them still obvious, but they didn’t fight. Connor spent his days in Zoe’s apartment or wandering around the city, learning the patterns of the streets. He returned to the library, and spent several hours reading in the quiet stillness of the shelves. He carried his sketchbook everywhere, and drew whatever struck his fancy, though he longed for paint and canvases and the feeling of a brush in his hand. 

On Connor’s fourth morning, he woke up to see Zoe, dressed in a white tank top and obnoxiously yellow shorts, her long hair pulled back into a high ponytail. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” he mumbled, yawning hugely. 

“I’m going for a run,” she responded, far too brightly for whatever ungodly hour it was. “You know, exercise. It’s good for you.”

“Shut up,” Connor said, but it held no heat. 

Zoe seemed to be contemplating something, and a moment later, she said, “Do you... want to come with me?”

“What?”

“For a run. You need it anyways; when was the last time you willingly worked out?”

Connor cast his mind back, trying to come up with a response, but he drew a blank, which only made Zoe look smug. Well, more smug than usual. “Fuck you.”

She scoffed. “Yeah, fuck you too. I was going to buy you coffee, so, you know, you don’t have to drink the ‘shit’ that I have here, but whatever. I don’t know why I try.”

Coffee, Connor’s brain said. Good coffee from a coffee shop. “Fine,” he mumbled.

Zoe raised one eyebrow. “What was that?”

“I said fine! I’ll come on a fucking run with you. But we have to get breakfast.”

“Deal,” Zoe said. “I have some extra clothes you can borrow.”

Two minutes later, Connor was dressed and regretting his decision more every second. “Did you seriously not have any shorts that aren’t neon pink? Or, at least, a little longer?” he asked, walking into the kitchen. Zoe turned around and snorted, which only made him glare harder. 

“You look great,” she said, trying desperately not to laugh, but amusement was written in every line of her face.

“Fuck you,” Connor responded. “This was a terrible choice.”

Zoe shook her head. “No, no, you’re fine. You’re not chickening out on me now. Let’s go.” She practically shoved him out the door, locking it behind them. 

It didn’t take too long for Connor to remember why he never worked out. “Zoe,” he gasped half an hour later, “if we don’t take a break I’m going to hurl all over your suspiciously large sneakers.”

She slowed down, jogging in place as he bent over, panting. “Come on! If you stop, it’s harder to keep going. And those shoes are Evan’s. I figured his feet were closer to yours in size.”

He glared up at her through a curtain of sweat-drenched curls. “I’m going to pass out. And Evan’s feet are massive.”

“You’ll be fine. Come on, a few more minutes and we can get breakfast.”

Connor heaved a sigh, pushing his hair back from his face, and straightened up, wincing at the cramps in his side. “Fine.”

They finished their run- well, Zoe was running; Connor was limping along- at a quaint cafe, where they sat outside, drinking coffee, and Connor tried very hard not to fall asleep at the table. Zoe was glowing, of fucking course, and looked perfectly content and not at all exhausted. 

“How the fuck do you do this every morning?” he asked, running a hand through his tangled, sweaty hair and leaning back in his chair.

“Practise, I guess. I started after you... left, and it really helps me think, so I got into the habit. Plus, being healthy is always good.” Zoe stirred her coffee, her expression just a little bit distant. 

Connor was suddenly struck with a feeling of estrangement. This girl- no, young woman- sitting across the tiny table from him was not the Zoe Murphy he had grown up with, and then grown apart from. Somehow, in the three years that he had been gone, she had changed into someone entirely different. The old Zoe hated exercise, and played guitar constantly, and always yelled right back when Connor lost his temper. This Zoe was... an adult. 

“Connor?” Zoe’s voice broke him out of his reverie. “You have a really weird expression on your face.”

“Yeah,” he mumbled absently, draining the last of his coffee- black, thank you very much- and setting the cup on the table. 

“We should probably head back pretty soon so I can shower before class.” Zoe stood up and tossed her empty coffee cup into the trash can. “You ready to go?”

“Wait. We’re running back?” Connor asked. The obvious horror on his face made Zoe laugh. 

“Yeah, come on! We’ll take the short way back.” She turned and started to half-walk, half-jog down the sidewalk. Connor groaned, standing and tugging Zoe’s eye-burningly pink shorts down a little further in a halfhearted effort to cover more than three inches of skin. Where did she get these? he wondered as he urged his aching legs into a slow trot to catch up to his sister, who was already far ahead of him.

They arrived back at the apartment forty-five minutes later, Connor gasping, his muscles turned to putty. Zoe practically bolted up the stairs, still looking fresh as a fucking daisy. When Connor had made the trek up, he found the door open. He could hear the shower running in the bathroom, and collapsed into a chair, pressing his face against the counter and wishing for the sweet release of death. 

He had almost fallen asleep in a puddle of his own sweat when Zoe poked his shoulder, her hair wrapped into a towel and wearing a fresh t-shirt and pair of jeans. He managed not to flinch away from the touch instinctively, and if Zoe noticed his aborted movement, she didn’t comment.

“The bathroom’s empty. Try not to fall asleep and crack your head open in the shower,” she said, already moving away to get her schoolbooks. 

“I’ll do my best,” Connor mumbled, hauling his dead limbs out of the chair and stumbling down the hall to the bathroom. 

The water felt like a blessing on his sore muscles, and Connor spent far longer in the shower than he needed to, waiting until the tips of his fingers were wrinkled and pink. Finally he got out, drying off quickly, and changed into clean clothes. Heaving a huge sigh of contentment, he went into the kitchen only to find that Zoe had already left. Guess I’m on my own for a few hours, he thought. Though his legs protested, he grabbed the spare keys and his bag full of pencils, his sketchbook, and his paperback, and left the apartment.

The walk to the library was relatively short, and Connor enjoyed the feeling of the sunshine drying his wet hair, which smelled far too strongly of lavender thanks to Zoe’s stupid conditioner. He was greeted with an almost-empty library when he entered the double doors, the only movement being the old woman who sometimes worked behind the counter sorting books on a cart. Making a beeline for an overstuffed armchair, he collapsed into the soft cushions, sighing with relief.

Connor opened his book, but it wasn’t long before he found himself reading the same sentence over and over again, exhaustion making it impossible to concentrate. Maybe I’ll just close my eyes for a minute, he thought, already laying the book down to rest in his lap. The comfortable silence of the library wrapped around him, tugging his mind further into sleepy oblivion.

 

“Connor?”

“Mmf,” Connor said eloquently. Fuck off, Zoe. Except that wasn’t a female voice- it was decidedly male, and nervous, and... He snapped awake to see a pair of blue eyes way too close to his face. Connor jerked backwards, which wasn’t very far, since he was sitting slumped in a chair. Evan pulled back just as quickly, already apologising.

“Sorry, sorry, I just... you were asleep and I didn’t know whether I should wake you, but it’s been a while and I just wanted to check and make sure you were... sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Connor mumbled, still too disoriented from his rude awakening to be anything other than vaguely confused. He felt surprisingly refreshed, though. “How long was I asleep?”

“Oh. Um. I don’t- don’t know? You were sleeping when I got here, and... it’s been maybe an hour? Not that, you know, I was watching you sleep or anything, I just. Um, sorry,” Evan said, determinedly avoiding eye contact. 

Connor yawned and pulled out his phone, but the battery was dead. Again. I have got to get a new phone. Not that I can afford it, his brain supplied helpfully. The only clock in the library was the old analogue clock hung over the door, which had a tendency to stick and was completely unreliable. “What’re you doing here?” he asked, turning his attention back to Evan, who was standing awkwardly next to Connor’s chair. 

“I- I work here?” Evan said. 

“Really? I’ve been here a couple times since I got into town, and I’ve never seen you here before.”

“I’m only here part-time. It, um, helps to- I mean, I have classes a lot? I guess?” Evan still looked incredible uncomfortable, and Connor half-wished he was still asleep so he didn’t have to have such an excruciating conversation. Something about Evan intrigued him, though, so he forged on.

“Right, because you’re an environmental science major,” Connor said. Evan nodded but didn’t say anything else. Fucking fine. We’ll do this the hard way. “Are you doing anything right now?” 

“N-no?” Evan finally looked at Connor, confused.

“Great. Take a seat.” Connor gestured to the chair across from his. “I’m here for the next three weeks, you’re dating my sister, we may as well get to know each other.”

Evan sat down with no argument, which surprised Connor. “Okay,” he said, a small, nervous smile touching the corners of his mouth. 

“Okay,” Connor responded. “I already know your major. I’m not gonna ask you about Zoe, because that’s just weird. So. Do you have any siblings?”

“Um... no? I’m an only child. It’s just me and my- my mom,” Evan said.

Should I ask? “Dad?”

The light beginning to spark in Evan’s eyes flickered out. “No.”

“Shit, sorry,” Connor said.

Evan shook his head. “It’s fine. Um. I already know Zoe, obviously, and I’m pretty sure you guys don’t, um, have any other siblings-”

Connor huffed a short laugh. “Nope. Just us.”

“Y-yeah, that’s what I thought. So, uh, where do you go to college?” 

The question made Connor clench his jaw. Breathe. He didn’t know. “I don’t. How old are you?”

Evan didn’t seem fazed by the subject change, and Connor wondered how much practise he had doing the same. “21. You?”

“Same,” Connor replied. “What’s your favourite colour?”

“Um, blue. That’s why... I mean, literally all of my shirts are blue.” Evan gestured to his chest, which was in fact covered in a blue polo shirt under a half-unzipped navy jacket. “What about you?”

“I like red. But I mostly wear dark colours, so take that how you will. Zoe says it’s because I’m so emo my clothing reflects the colour of my heart.”

Evan laughed, the first real laugh Connor had heard from him since they had met. It made Connor’s heart do a funny little jump that he forcefully ignored. “Red is, um, good too. Speaking of colours... you told me you were an artist. What- what do you do?”

“Fuck, you remembered that? Yeah, I am. I mostly paint, I guess. And draw. I tried pottery once, but it ended very badly and I had clay in my hair for days.” That made Evan smile again. “Do you have any hobbies? Besides hugging trees and hanging out in practically abandoned libraries?”

“Hey, you-you’re in here too, so.” Connor shrugged and waited for Evan to go on. “I like to write, I guess. I had... okay, don’t laugh.”

“I won’t,” Connor promised.

Evan pursed his lips and looked up at the ceiling. “I had a poem published in a literary magazine when I was in high school.” He glanced at Connor. “I know, it’s really nerdy”

“No, that’s really fucking cool. What was it about?” Connor asked.

Evan mumbled something. “What was that?” Connor said.

“Trees! It was about trees, okay?” Evan blurted out. Connor snorted.

“It was a- a metaphor! I was... I fell out of a tree in my senior year, and I broke my arm, and I wrote a poem about it, and my mom sent it in to be published, so.” Evan’s voice faded a little, and Connor got the feeling there was more to that story than he was being told, but he didn’t push. 

“You know, the more I spend time with you, the less I’m surprised by your choice to major in tree science. You must love it in here,” Connor said. 

“Y-yeah. It’s really... peaceful. No one really talks to me or bothers me, so I don’t have to worry about- about what to say, or if I’ll say anything wrong, or- um. Yeah. Sorry, by the way. For rambling. And talking so much about myself.” Evan was fidgeting again, eyes trained on his lap.

Connor waved a hand in the air dismissively. “Nah, you’ve done nothing wrong. I like- I mean, the whole point of this was to get to know you.”

“Why, um. Why do you care?” Evan asked quietly. “Why are you bothering to- why do you want to get to know me?”

Connor sighed and ran a hand through his hair, tugging it over to one side. “Look, if you really want to know... I dunno how much Zoe told you, but we haven’t exactly been close recently. Or in years, really. And I kind of feel like I owe it to her to try. I was... a really shitty brother. I was a really shitty person, for a long time. I still am, but I’m trying to get past that. And part of that is trying to make amends, and being at least a little bit more involved in her life. And Jesus, I sound like my dad. Ugh. Forget I said any of that.”

“N-no, it’s fine. That’s really, um, sweet, Connor. I didn’t- Zoe didn’t really tell me anything. I honestly- I didn’t know she had a brother until a few days before you came. She wasn’t... she doesn’t talk about her family much, and I don’t really ask. So. I probably shouldn’t have told you that, but. I guess we can both... not tell Zoe? Sorry, that sounds so awful-”

“No. I get it. And I agree.” Connor smiled at Evan. He was coming to like his sister’s boyfriend, in all of his anxious, stuttery glory. “And I think this has been enough soul-baring for one conversation. I’m pretty sure it’s close to lunchtime, and I’m starving. Zoe forced me to go out on one of her runs, and I haven’t had anything to eat except coffee.”

“O-oh! There’s, um, a few good places near here? If you’re not planning on going back. I could give you some suggestions?” Evan said.

“Sure,” responded Connor. “Or, you know, you could... Do you get a lunch break?”

Evan nodded. “I was... I brought a lunch, I was planning on eating outside. It’s- it’s what I normally do.”

“Well, do you want to come get lunch with me? I’ll pay,” Connor offered.

Evan turned red. “Oh, no, you don’t have to-”

“I want to,” Connor interrupted. He stood up and extended a hand to Evan, who took it. His hand was warm in Connor’s cold fingers, making his skin tingle slightly. As soon as Evan had risen to his feet, Connor released him, doing his best to shove down any and all emotions stemming from the touch. It was just because you haven’t had enough human contact recently, he reminded himself. Which was mostly true- he had barely spoken to anyone if he could avoid it during his year on his own, and the conversations he’d had with Zoe recently were longer than any that he could remember for a long time. Focus, Connor, he reminded himself.

“Let’s go find one of those places you mentioned?” Connor asked, his voice only slightly strained. Evan nodded.

 

As they walked to the tiny cafe Evan recommended, Connor did his best to maintain a respectful distance, still trying to shake off the strange feelings from earlier. They chatted idly, steering clear of any more loaded questions. Quiet only settled after they had reached the tiny shop and sat down to eat. Somehow, though, it was far less awkward than before, and when they parted ways for Evan to return to the library a half hour later, Connor felt better than he had in a long time. 

On his walk back to Zoe’s apartment, Connor let his thoughts stray back to his conversation in the library. Evan was... interesting, for sure. He was incredibly skittish, nervous and constantly apologising, but his surprising kindness and passion shone through the anxiety. I can sort of tell what Zoe sees in him, Connor thought idly as he waited at a stoplight. 

The light changed, and he stepped neatly off of the curb only to jump backwards as a car sped by, horn blaring. Connor scowled and flipped off the driver, who was already too far away to yell at. Motherfucker. 

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, and crossed the street, suddenly eager to be back in Zoe’s apartment. Maybe he could take a nap without anyone interrupting him. Evan’s nervous face swam back into his mind unbidden, and Connor found himself smiling faintly. Maybe it was too early to count Evan as a friend, but for some stupid reason, Connor hoped that he could soon.

**Author's Note:**

> hey sorry for the lack of anything i've been really busy recently.
> 
> this was supposed to be a one-shot but once i hit 8k i figured i should break it up into two parts, so here's the first half. hopefully i'll finish the second part faster than i did this one.
> 
> i don't own the characters, just the barely-edited writing, etc.
> 
> i know nothing about anything so there is little to no real-life accuracy and i can't seem to settle into a consistent writing style, so. uh. enjoy?
> 
> ps comments and kudos make me very very happy! make my day a little brighter by leaving some love (or pointing out my awful errors)?


End file.
